Our Cockatiel Buttercup suddenly began acting odd about a week ago.  Online research seemed to indicate that she might be eggbound; a condition which causes death if not immediately treated. When behavior began again in earnest yesterday afternoon, Jude rushed Buttercup to the vet, and I raced to meet her fearing the worst.  Had we waited too long?  Would I need to console a distraught Jude?  Things like this never end well when they play out in my mind.  This story’s ending was to be accompanied by Samuel Barber’s Adagio for Strings. So imagine my surprise to find Jude leaving the vet with Buttercup in hand.  “Is she alright?”  I inquired.  “Yes, she’s fine.”  Jude replied a bit sheepishly.  “Your bird’s not pregnant, she’s pleasuring herself.”  

Sixty two dollars later, I am home with a horny bird and a handout that says my pet should never be punished or disciplined for masturbating under any circumstances.  Since matters like these should be handled in private, I’ve given Buttercup a little alone time in the upstairs bedroom.  Meanwhile, I am researching alternative vets since Jude claims it will be some time before she or I can enter the vet’s office without encountering the smirks and giggles of the office staff.