Getting Goosed

I’ve never been one to enjoy a surprise especially when it comes in the form of getting goosed! The fact that the “goosee” was less than three feet high and didn’t understand the phrase “back off” further complicated the issue as did the fact that I was on a small strip of land surrounded by water with a single bridge my only means of escape.

My first mistake was agreeing to walk. Lured by the promise of a serene lake, fresh air and a bunny rabbit or two, I could not have comprehended the dangers that lurked ahead. The lakeside walking path, just a short stroll from our home, was a scene ripped from an episode of ECO Challenge. There were the exposed tree roots that threatened to topple the unobservant strider, the thorny branches that had formed swinging gates of pain and, of course, the oh so perilous slippery bank that beckons one closer to observe schools of fish feeding nearby. But all of these natural dangers pale in comparison to a very large and very suspect Canadian Goose!

I should have sensed peril lurked ahead. The Canadian Goose has been trailing us for some time. I, however, was focussed on the before mentioned roots, thorny branches and slippery banks all the while attempting to whistle a happy tune. My roommate and host in this walk of fear, strode far ahead her pace quickened in an effort to raise her heart rate. I, on the other hand, shuffled along panting from over exertion.

When the tiny island with bridge access appeared ahead, I welcomed the opportunity to rest for a moment in the shade of a tree and perhaps skip a rock or two across the still surface of the lake. It was here, on her own turf, that the Goose decided to make her move. I am a peaceable creature by nature. The Goose evidently is not. Visions of the two of us quietly sharing the tranquil lakeside setting were soon shattered as I found myself face to face with a large, quick-footed, long-necked, hissing female!

Stunned, I stared evil in the face! What had I done to illicit such a response? Furthermore, what bodily harm was she capable of? I weighed my options. Not knowing how to swim and certain that the water was much too cold for entry, the bridge clearly was my only means of escape. But did I turn tail and run exposing the one body part I’ve been using on a regular basis? Or did I back up slowly staring the Goose down as I made my retreat?

I did neither of these things. I stood stock still and attempted to negotiate!

“Hi there.”

HISS … HISS …

“It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you.”

HISSSSSSSSSS …

“I’ll only be a moment. I just want to enjoy the view.”

HISS … HISS …

It’s not true what the say about communication. Talking is not always the best solution and, if it is, the Canadian Goose sure hadn’t been told. So, I turned tail and ran directly for my roommate, who was standing nearby and could serve as a body shield while I made my retreat!

My roommate tells me there was nothing to fear. That’s easy for her to say. She wasn’t the one staring evil in the face. Had she not seen Hitchcock’s movie THE BIRDS? I suspect the Goose was simply protecting a nearby nest. However, Mike could be right! Maybe there is a conspiracy and the Canadian Geese are a part of it. They have, after all, been camping out in numbers on the baseball field behind our home. I’ve taken safe refuge indoors and stocked up on toilet paper, water and chocolate just in case.

Getting Goosed once in a lifetime is enough for this gal!

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